So why I decide on which one of Benthelooney’s videos to start off on. I like to take this time to point out some of the biggest recurring issues that appear in all of Benthelooney’s videos. I will go into greater detail on specific things he says in later blog posts, but these are just the issues that continue to pop up in his work.
1) He’s a nostalgia-tard
Yeah, I’m sure fanboys are tired of hearing this all the time from his “haters,” but it’s true. Ben is a total nostalgia-tard, which he apparently thinks that’s something to be proud of (Ben Rants: Cartoon Network Part 4, 0:29). Umm…no, that’s not something to be proud of, Ben. Most people look down on nostalgia-tards…and rightfully so.
He also likes to take pride in the fact that he’s a 90’s kid. And like every other person on the internet, apparently that puts him on a higher pedestal than everybody else. Sure he probably doesn’t think that, but he sure acts like it from some of the things he says in his videos.
It just really annoys me that so many people proclaim that cartoons from the 90’s and early 2000’s are the greatest ever and that kids nowadays are doomed to being degenerates. Folks, here’s the reality: those cartoons you loved as a kid, they weren’t that great. The only reason why you think today’s cartoons suck is because you’re “adults” now. Unlike when you were kids, you now know what logic and reasoning is, so of course you’re not going to like the random and stupid cartoons kids are watching nowadays.
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy watching cartoons from my youth as well, especially the Nicktoons on “The 90’s Are All That.” “Rocko’s Modern Life” is still one of my all-time favorites, “Hey Arnold” I think is still pretty good too, and “CatDog” is actually much better than I remember it. “Ren and Stimpy”
…actually fuck “Ren and Stimpy.”
But the point is while I do enjoy those cartoons and I think they’re entertaining, I don’t think they’re masterpieces…nor do I expect every cartoon on T.V. to be the greatest thing ever. I mean, they’re just cartoons. Just simple shows meant to entertain and shut your kids up for a few minutes. That’s really all cartoons are. It’s great when they’re well written and they respect the audience’s intelligence, but again…not every cartoon has to be like that. And I think that Benthelooney has ridiculously high standards for such cartoons, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
If there’s one thing about the internet that I despise so much is that it’s given a voice to all of these people who think they know society well, but really they’re just children who refuse to grow up.
But I said enough about that…moving on.
2) The stuff he rants about
It’s funny…Ben is notorious for his rant videos, but in all seriousness they’re not really that different from any other basement-dwelling loser who rants about childish crap.
Basically there are times when he rants about things that most normal adults don’t really about care or he dedicates several parts to a topic that really did not warrant making an hour-long expose about.
For example, he made a FIVE-PART RANT ABOUT CARTOON NETWORK?! Yes, he made a video, broken up into five parts…talking about some channel geared towards children (not counting [adult swim])?!
Here are a handful of topics he ranted about that again most people would at most just shake their heads at: the Disney Vault, Cartoon Network (FIVE FUCKING PARTS?!?!), Disney Channel (FOUR PARTS?! WHY?!?), Disney Channel’s Scheduling (no…really), Nickelodeon (three parts this time), Logos (come on, really?!), other television networks, various cartoon shows, and commercials.
Oh, there was this one time when he ranted about politics…but, really? You think anyone gives a rat’s ass about what a guy who obsesses over cartoons have to says about Obama or the government. If you do, you are a sad human being.
3) Immature jokes and childish humor
Yeah…this one is pretty self-explanatory. He’s not funny. Sorry fanboys, but he’s not. “Oh, but Clay, humor is subjective!” No…he’s not funny. And you think he is, then you’re just as delusional as he is. I can easily write a book on why every joke Ben tells fails, but rather I’ll just point them out individually when I look at his videos.
4) He won’t shut up about shows he likes/hates
Oh…my…god. This is one of his biggest faults. It’s easily his most annoying fault. Because Benthelooney seems to find almost all modern cartoons nowadays to be unworthy, if he finds a modern cartoon that catches his fancy, he will talk about it endlessly. And I mean it, he never shuts up about it. He’ll place them on a high pedestal and will want everyone to know of these cartoon’s greatness.
HiHi Puffy Ami Yumi, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and now Gravity Falls. In regards to Gravity Falls, he loves the show SO much that he felt the need to rant about how Disney is not scheduling it properly. Seriously…
Likewise, if he finds a cartoon that he hates or “disrespects the original cartoons,” he will develop a frankly unhealthy obsession with said show and will constantly bring it up whenever he deems it necessary.
Probably the best example of this is his attitude towards “The Looney Tunes Show.” Boy, does he have a grudge against this show (even though, it’s just a fucking cartoon). He made a THREE-PART VIDEO dedicated to expressing his hate on “The Looney Tunes Show.” All together the rant is 45 minutes long. 45 FUCKING MINUTES!! Is someone seriously going to sit down and watch 45 minutes of someone whining about “The Looney Tunes Show.” For God’s sake, you could watch an entire episode of the show and form your own opinion!
Now those rant videos were made in 2011 (parts one and two) and 2012 (parts three). Then in 2013 he rants about “change” (yeah, I know…I’ll cover the stupidity of that video later) and at 4:38…he brings up “The Looney Tunes Show” again! Like…seriously…it’s been two years and you’re still obsessing over that show. Jesus Christ, get the fuck over it already!
Enough of this, let’s move on.
5) ALL of his intros are cringe-worthy
At the start of all of his videos, he begins with “Welcome back to [Ben Rants/Ben Salutes/whatever] and when I was a kid…[zombies movies didn’t have their own genre/animals weren’t shot at/a woman’s place was in the kitchen, not in politics].”
Okay, I made that last one up, but the point is he says that same phrase at the start of every video. For some reason, I just can’t help but cringe at every single one. I don’t know what it is, but every time he starts the video that way, I just get this huge douche chill from him.
He’s kind of like MrRepzion in that every word comes out of his mouth has the “douchiness” of it accentuated and he sounds like a total tool.
By the way, MrRepzion sucks too and you suck for liking him, but let’s stay focused here.
6) His really stupid euphemisms
And speaking of cringe-worthy, his euphemisms for curse words are really childish…like unbelievably childish…as in “he’s way too old to be doing this” childish. Seriously…bull-spit? Truck you? Bass-hole? Why can’t you say “bullcrap” or “screw you?’ Better yet, why don’t you curse?
Do you not realize how stupid these euphemisms sounds? What’s the point of censoring yourself? Are you worried that children might come across your videos and repeat any bad words you say? Honestly, parents who let children watch your shit should have their kids taken away.
Bottom line: all these euphemisms do is just prove how childish you really are (amongst other things).
7) He has ridiculously high standards for simple children’s cartoons
I’ve lost count of how many times I watched a Benthelooney rant video, only to go “it’s just a fucking cartoon, dude.”
I said it before earlier, but I’ll say it again: folks, the cartoons you loved as a kid weren’t that great. They’re not wonderful works of art that must be respected by all. They’re just cartoons. They’re just simple shows meant to simply entertain. I don’t want to hear any arguments from anybody about how cartoons are more than that, because Ben has already ruined that for you guys.
Hell, I bet even the guys at Disney and Dreamworks who live and breathe cartoons have other more mature interests besides cartoons. I don’t think even they treat the medium this highly.
8) Benthelooney’s videos are lazy
Man…how do I even begin to describe how unimaginably lazy Benthelooney’s videos are.
For starters, there’s the stuff he rants about. Children’s television network, cartoons, internet celebrities, wrestling, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo…where have I seen that before? Oh yeah, every other ranter on YouTube. Benthelooney brings nothing new to the table. In fact, he actually brings it down to a much lower level.
Regarding his actual videos, his videos are nearly identical to the Nostalgia Critic videos. And when I say identical, I mean they’re almost the same format. Both bring up a show, hype it up to be one of the worst things they have ever seen, and then they go through the entire show/movie nitpicking various details and highlighting notable moments.
However unlike Benthelooney, the Nostalgia Critic actually uses footage from the TV show/movie to show what he is talking about. Not only does it provide a visual to back up his points, but it also breaks up the monotony of just hearing him talk. Ben, on the other hand, just puts up static images of himself or what he’s talking about and just drones on and on endlessly about everything is happening without actually showing it. Let me tell you, nothing puts you to sleep faster than just hearing Ben talk non-stop. In addition, not showing the actual footage is both lazy and unprofessional.
He doesn’t even use professional sound effects. Instead, he just makes his own sound effects, such as the babies crying in his rant on “Teen Titans Go!”
His reasons for not using movie footage or actual sound effects is because he doesn’t has the editing programs necessary to do it. BULLSHIT! You mean to tell me that you can’t find the clips you need on YouTube, use a simple YouTube downloader and download the clips to your computer? Even Windows Movie Maker lets you edit in actual footage! And you can find free sound effect downloads on Google easily. You’re just a lazy-ass, plain and simple.
9) “His character”
And finally, I come to the last problem with Benthelooney’s videos and it is by-far the worst…his “character.” Yes, you see if you watched any of Benthelooney’s videos, you would think that you were watching an immature child who clearly has issues with moving on from his childhood.
Oh but you see, Ben is just “playing a character.” You can’t call him on his faults or his mistakes, because it’s just a video and he’s just “playing a character.” You’re just taking things too seriously.
Okay, here’s the deal. Doug Walker plays a character too, and so does James Rolfe. But if they make a mistake or say/do something stupid, people will call them out on it and usually they’ll respond accordingly.
Hell, even no-name, small-time reviewers like the Hardcore Kid and the Hero of Tomorrow are just playing characters. But if those two ever done or say something stupid (and they have), people will call them out on it and the two will man up and admit it (even though I don’t care for either of their videos, that’s one thing I give them credit for).
My point is, just because you’re just playing a “character” doesn’t excuse you from criticism or commentary, especially since the “character” is more or less just you. Don’t deny it. It is just you. At least with Doug and James when they play their characters, I can tell what’s their actual opinion and what’s just the character. You? No, you and your “character” are just one in the same.
Whew…that was a long post. If you managed to actually read all of that, I salute you. Hopefully, next time I’ll cover one of Ben’s videos in greater detail.
Until then, I’ll see you guys later!